Three years....

Three years ago today, my left kidney was removed because I had a cancerous tumor inside. I didn't the next week in the hospital recovering and told myself I was going to keep being healthy. 

That hasn't happened. Yes, I'm cancer free per my last scan in 2020. But...I'm huge. Morbidly obese. The most I've ever weighed and I feel it. Every day...it's a struggle to move, to walk to stand. I hate it!! I put myself back on LoseIt to keep track of my calories because I know pandemic eating was a little crazy. Despite tracking every bite and I don't think I miss putting things down I'm not losing. My TSH was off but it's been eight weeks since we upped my dosage and I should be feeling better...but I'm not. 

I know I need to move around more. But I'm afraid of falling, failing ..of it all. 

I'm sad....

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