Day 28

-
I'm not doing okay today. I'm quite emotional, irritable, and  just want to escape. I want to drown my emotions/sorrows in junk food but don't want the reprecussions. I might make a Chaffle later...

So what am I thankful/grateful for today? That is the question...

After sitting for a few minutes pondering, I am thankful to have the will to stop and think before I react. Doesn't me I always do that. I can be irrational at times. But me not eating everything in the house right after lunch shows me that I'm slowly changing what food means to me. 




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Protect the one...

-
Image
The fear of cancer rearing it's ugly head is always present.  I have been having some pain in my remaining kidney.  That on top of a doctor telling me that he is worried about my kidney lab levels has me freaked. I set up an appointment with the doctor who removed cancer almost a year ago, and he reassured me that my levels, for only having one kidney were decent.  He did set me up for a CT scan which I did,  but had to wait two weeks for the doctor to tell me the results. Today was my appointment to get my results. The kidney is not compromised!  Doing well.  No enlargement. So my pain must be something else.  It's funny because this past weekend there were a few days where I didn't have any pain.  I have been hydrating myself better.  When talking to the doctor today, he said that he wasn't any kind of an expert in back pain and I mentioned how it feels better when I'm well hydrated, and he said that when we become dehydrated, any issues we have, rear their
Read more

Autumn brain dump...

-
I'm feeling much better.  Just a cold now, but that is going to be all the time at school.  It seems this year the kids don't know how to "vampire cough" or that they should rub the snot onto their hands and then touch things.  This is why I don't share pencils or pens with students.  I secretly don't like giving them to other adults either.  I wouldn't say I'm a germ-a-phobic, but you can never be too careful. Jerry and I went and saw Jekyll & Hyde  at the Alhambra Dinner Theatre.  I love that we have season tickets.  Later this month, our FSCJ season starts.  We will see Wicked the Tuesday before Thanksgiving.  I'm excited. Speaking of holidays.  We didn't hand out candy this year for Halloween.  I think maybe next year we will.  We'll see...  We have been invited to Jerry's sister's house for Thanksgiving.  We are going to take some gluten-free dressing. YUM! Christmas is still too far off.  I did just order a little &qu
Read more

I'm not okay...

-
I'm saying it. I own it. I'm not doing okay right now.  I have gained so much weight despite my truest efforts. (80+ days of journaling what I eat.) Yes, my thyroid is out of whack, but I have never felt so lost with this. I feel like every bite of food I take is another mail on my coffin. I know that isn't healthy. I know I need to eat to live. I know all of this, but I'm tired of being fat. Beyond fat, morbidly obese.... I stopped journaling what I eat. It isn't helping, and I can't obsess about that, it isn't healthy either.  Because I'm so large, moving around has become a chore. I want to cry every time I think about going out because it means moving and gasping for air. After all, every step is a workout. I am trying to move more. I know I need to get up between classes. Working from home has made it easy to just sit there...but that isn't healthy. Do you see a pattern?? Nothing is healthy...nothing...  
Read more