Posts

Constant fear....

Today I went to get my chest x-ray to see if my kidney cancer metastasized and traveled to my lungs. Whee? No.

I have been pretty glum about this all weekend. Crying. Yelling, “I’m afraid” and just generally mopey. I know, rationally, I should be fine. But cancer if fucking scary. It looms like a monster under the bed, ready to grab your ankle as you wake up. Ok...maybe not that scary, but it does loom.

Today’s appointment was just annoying. President’s Day is one of those Mondays that I’m off from school. I tried to get a different time, but I was too lazy to call earlier. Maybe it was because I didn’t really want to have my x-ray. So...appointment set from 8:20am. I get there around 8:05, so I can do all the check-in paperwork, etc. 8:20 comes and goes... 8:40 comes and goes... Finally, at 8:58, I asked how much longer, and they checked with the tech and told me a few minutes longer. Another 15 minutes and finally they take me back.

 The room is freezing. Thankfully, …

Yep...another year...

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I love Christmas lights.  Twinkly little points of light make me happy.  I was excited to plug in the outside lights this year.  Until they didn't work.  My heart sank.  We have rechargeable, and I thought it was charging, but it wasn't.  I tried charging them again, but to no avail, the lights didn't come one.  Jerry finally got involved and finagled the charging battery, and after a night of charging, I had my twinkle lights on the porch.  Yay, it was Christmasy! 
I didn't put up Christmas decorations in the house until the 20th of the month.  I thought about it doing it earlier but just felt "meh" about it, so I put it off.  The day I decided to put up some lights across our mantle was sad.  My lighted garland was dead.  I wiggled each light, couldn't see if any were burned out to change so that the twinkly strand of lights would work again.  Jerry came up that evening to "emotional Jeanne" and tried his best to see if the fuses were bad.  I…

Autumn brain dump...

I'm feeling much better.  Just a cold now, but that is going to be all the time at school.  It seems this year the kids don't know how to "vampire cough" or that they should rub the snot onto their hands and then touch things.  This is why I don't share pencils or pens with students.  I secretly don't like giving them to other adults either.  I wouldn't say I'm a germ-a-phobic, but you can never be too careful.

Jerry and I went and saw Jekyll & Hyde at the Alhambra Dinner Theatre.  I love that we have season tickets.  Later this month, our FSCJ season starts.  We will see Wicked the Tuesday before Thanksgiving.  I'm excited.

Speaking of holidays.  We didn't hand out candy this year for Halloween.  I think maybe next year we will.  We'll see...  We have been invited to Jerry's sister's house for Thanksgiving.  We are going to take some gluten-free dressing. YUM! Christmas is still too far off.  I did just order a little "sk…

A month...

This past month was not fun. Mid-September I had an ear infection that caused laryngitis and temporary hearing loss in my right ear.  I went to my primary care doctor and got a round of antibiotics. Nothing cleared up, so I ended up back at an ENT's office, and they confirmed the ear infection and hearing loss (moderate to severe) with a hearing test.  Yet another antibiotic, stronger...

About five days into that round of medicine, I developed what I call "the three hours of hell."  The first hour was uncontrollable shivering, followed by high fevers (topped off at 103.5 at it's worst), finally ending in an hour of heat intolerance. 

Finally, I went back to my PCP and got a flu test (NEG), and she put me on Tamiflu.  Great...more pills.  Another five days until the fevers broke, and I started feeling better.

Poor Jerry took care of me during all of this.  I wasn't eating much as there were days I couldn't keep anything down.  I lost 16 pounds during those 2 w…

Pardon me...

A week ago, I lost (temporarily?) my hearing in my right ear due to an ear infection.  I have been to the doctor and today was the last day of a round of antibiotics.  I did feel some pressure release today in my ear, but I still can't hear. 

This makes being an interpreter difficult.  Last week was a struggle to hear the teachers as students continued to talk while the teacher was talking.  Or tap their pencils repeatedly on the desk during class.  Even the AC unit seemed to have it out for me this week.  I came home every night, my brain exhausted with trying to hear and figure out what was being said all day long.

I really thought I was doing better until today when we went to the grocery store, and the clerk kept asking me questions about how I wanted my groceries bagged.  At one point I said that I had a bad cold and really couldn't hear very well, hoping she would take the hint and stop talking to me.  Nope.  The barrage of questions left me depressed and frustrated.  It…

Mom...

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Happy birthday, Mom.  I miss you terribly. 

She is always with me.  Little things remind me of her.  Last night there at our dinner theatre we were at a "meet and greet" with some of the cast, and fellow season ticket holders and there is a woman who is older than us that I started to talk with.  She is a piano teacher, 57 years.  She wears these cute matchy skirts, shirts, vests that remind me of mom's fashion sense.  She and her husband attend the symphony, they come to the dinner theatre.  *sigh*  I bet mom and dad would love coming to the Alhambra with us.

In the teacher's lounge, co-workers talk about their parents, and I get a little envious.  I laugh at their stories, nod as they talk about the crazy things their mothers do and wish for my mom's witty, dry comments to keep me in check. 

One more call, one more hug, one more piano duet...I would still want more.

Thoughts and prayers...

Thoughts on getting more people involved in the voting process.
Thoughts on educating people on how to look for facts among the political rhetoric.
Thoughts on spreading more love, less hate.Prayers that people vote out hate and vote in hope.
Prayers that people are open-minded.
Prayers that love conquers hate.