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One year...

Today is the anniversary of the day my cancer was removed.  Weird sentence to type out.  Still seems surreal that I had cancer. I lost so much weight and was feeling good about that and "BAM" it was cancer. 
I am one of the lucky ones. My tumor was contained inside my kidney so they took my whole left kidney. Since then, I have several scans to make sure it didn't spread and so far my luck is still flowing. I will do probably do those scans for the rest of my life. The new normal is okay though. I didn't die. I survived after a hellish experience in the hospital and months of recovery.
The weight has come back, and that has me pissed off. It doesn't matter if I restrict calories, give up dairy, sugar, or eating all together the scales aren't budging. I know my thyroid messes with my body but it has been fairly stable. It's bumming me out!
Speaking of the thyroid, my doctor for more than a decade has retired so I start a new endocrinologist in mid-June.…

Mom visits...

Last night I was visited by my mom in a dream.  It was one of those vivid dreams where I felt I could reach out and touch the surroundings and remember colors and whatnot.I remember that Mom was in China, living her solitude life after Dad passed, which is odd because she passed four months before him.  I wasn't with her the entire time of the dream.  Part of it was like I was observing her from afar.  She had a quaint life there, one that you would expect if you were a senior citizen in China. Alright, maybe a more romantic version of life in China.  Never the less, there she was, strolling through gardens with beautiful blooming Sakura trees.  Sitting on benches as she read her book. Meandering over to a market to get some food to either eat there or take home to cook for herself.  It was pleasant. I do remember a conversation where she told me about an upcoming wedding in the family and that she was excited. The conversation was short though. Back home without mom, Jerry and I …

Being real...

This month has me reflecting a lot on my life. A year ago I was waiting to have surgery. I had lost a ton of weight, and I was excited about that but now know that it was because of cancer. So while I'm happy they were able to remove the tumor, I'm sad that within a month I gained all the weight I had lost. All of it. 😔

I have been really working on my diet and moving a little more and nothing. Doctors have suggested bariatric surgery in the past, but now that I only have one kidney, I don't think that is a good option. Even though my A1C was only 5.4, my blood sugar has been creeping up in the mornings, so I asked to be put on medicine.  I am not going to let last year be the decline. 

What does this all mean, why am I writing this?  For me...so I can put it out to the universe that I need help.  I need encouragement.  Not from you reader, from myself.  I need to own this if it's going to work. 

I know work is stressing me out.  We have the end of the year testing, a…

Gut feelings...

May 1st is an odd day for me now.  Last year, it was the day I was told I had cancer.  I'm still blown away by that.  I will never forget that Jerry had a gut feeling and knew that he needed to come to that doctor appointment.  That I would need him.  Funny...weird...


Protect the one...

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The fear of cancer rearing it's ugly head is always present.  I have been having some pain in my remaining kidney.  That on top of a doctor telling me that he is worried about my kidney lab levels has me freaked.

I set up an appointment with the doctor who removed cancer almost a year ago, and he reassured me that my levels, for only having one kidney were decent.  He did set me up for a CT scan which I did,  but had to wait two weeks for the doctor to tell me the results.

Today was my appointment to get my results. The kidney is not compromised!  Doing well.  No enlargement. So my pain must be something else.  It's funny because this past weekend there were a few days where I didn't have any pain.  I have been hydrating myself better.  When talking to the doctor today, he said that he wasn't any kind of an expert in back pain and I mentioned how it feels better when I'm well hydrated, and he said that when we become dehydrated, any issues we have, rear their ugly …

My month...

I am a princess, and I fully admit that I love being treated that way.  Finding Jerry 23 years ago was amazing as he totally gives into my princess-ness.  During March, my birthday month, he does a fantastic job of stepping it up.  It makes me look bad because his birthday month is February and I am not as apt at the doting as he is. Seriously, tree Funko badass women figures, a sonic screwdriver, lots of doting, and more to come...I love birthday month!

I have been doing a lot of reflecting in the past year.  Life changing illness can do that to a person. I always seem to be going to the doctor around my birthday.  The fact that I have spring break off gives me the opportunity to go to the doctor without burning a day off of work.  I'd rather use those for "mental health" days than actually going to a doctor appointment.

Last week, I went to my Endocrinologist for a thyroid checkup.  That also includes diabetes type 2. You know, because one autoimmune issue isn't go…

Moving forward...

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Last year was a challenge.  I'm not gonna lie, I know that it is February, but it has taken me this long to resolve my feelings for last year.

Don't get me wrong, there were some beautiful moments last year.  For spring break we went to Kennedy Space Center and then to Universal Studios.  We hadn't been to either in years.  We need another trip to Kennedy soon as we didn't get to see everything we wanted to.  As far as Universal, we loved the Harry Potter areas.  Worth the admission right there. In October we traveled across the pond to visit London, UK.  Amazing! I loved it there and wish we had gone for a more extended trip. 

I genuinely have tons to be thankful for, and I remind myself often of that.  That is why this year, 2019, I really need to get a handle of my health.  That includes weight, body, mind, spirit, and weight.  Yes, I know I said weight twice, but it is probably the thing that I need the most help with. 

One of the things I'm doing is putting few…